No Name

Ladies and gents, prepare yourselves for utter astonishment at the gull and audacity of my father. Get this: Yesterday, he revealed a late surprise Christmas gift 'from the kids to Jamey' (a.k.a. Step Bitch From Hell, SBFH). Guess what it was? Anyone? Come on now, don't be shy! Don't worry, you'd never guess... no one would assume that my father is THAT stupid.... even though he has proven himself worthy of such an assumption in past instances. Alright, i know the suspense is killing you. He, on our behalf, bought SBFH a sweatshirt saying "World's Greatest Mother, Hands Down".. now, let me delay the explosion of rage for just a minute.. perhaps you have seen these shirts- corny, naive and blatently stupid- the 'givers' are suposed to put paint on their hands and leave a loving handprint, testifying that the above statement is true of the 'givee'. Alright, detonate the bomb: WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING? HE KNOWS WE HATE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HER!! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT HE TAKES THE INITIATIVE TO BUY HER A GIFT FROM US, WORSE THAT IT INVOLVES THE NAMING OF HER AS OUR MOTHER, HORRIBLE THAT WE ALREADY HAVE A MOTHER, DISASTEROUS THAT HE SHOULD ASSUME WE WOULD EVER EVEN CONSIDER CALLING HER THE WORLD'S GREATEST ANYTHING EXCEPT BITCH/WHORE/SKANK..etc... and, on top of it all, we are expected to handprint the misleading piece of excrament so that she can smile with her crooked, rotting, turtle teeth and assume that we finally except her as a member of the human race, no less as the world's greatest mother.
Am I wrong for cutting up this loathsome gesture of holiday sacrilege? My fellow siblings seem to think so... the dispicable traitors.. THEY graced the blasphemous profanity with their handprints while i remained firm in my decision to quite literally keep my hands clean of both the unscrupulous paint and the dishonest deed. My brother and sister told me that they were 'doing it for Dad', they 'felt bad for him'. I, in disbelief, responded in asking them what they had to feel bad for? That he royally fucked up both his and our lives in his own selfishness and unwillingness to stand up to her for the sake of his children? Did they think that he bought that shirt in order to make US happy? Oh no, it was for her. Our true feelings were trampled on in attempt to make her feel accepted.. they are so fucking desperate for our approval.. it makes me sick. You do not gain acceptance but shoving lies down the throats of everyone. I certainly am not prepared to stand by while the person whom I hold most loathing and resentment towards on this planet is named "World's Greatest Mother, Hands Down" on my behalf. In the end, my sister printed the shirt for me... and I just CAN'T WAIT to see her, sporting a large shit-eating grin, wear this symbol of the emotional sacrifice of us children for the sake of her security in this 'Lala Land' they have created for themselves... Makes me want to shove a lamp up her ass, yank out those colourful turd-resembling dentures of hers, and use them to play lightbright all over her disgusting, chinless, scarecrow head...all while wearing a thick radiation suit, of course... ...hmmm... enough violence for one day.