happy fucking new year

Wellll.. my computer is being a fucking jackass and the internet explorer shit isn't working, so I am typing this in notepad for now.. i dunno when it will make it to my blog... if at all. So anywho, yeah.. I'm fucking depressed today, not that anyone gives a shit. I'm listening to fucking Barry White for pete's sake. Ahh, i hate new years, at least this one anyway. The party last night was ok i guess, mingled a lot.. just wasn't really happy. I dunno, i dont really see much of a purpose in life right now... what do i have to look forward to in the future? Stress, pain, work... doesn't seem worth it at the moment. Sometimes things look up, and life seems great, but then you fall back down to this pitiful place we call earth and realize how shitty everything really is... it's like life is taunting you, giving you a small taste of happiness and then ripping it away, out of your frantic hands clutching to anything to keep the depression away. Wow, i sound like a total psycho.. i sound suicidal.. i dont care. God, Barry White can be damn depressing to listen to.. no one can be in love that much, no one is that happy.. and if they are, i am so jealous. Some people seem happy, why do they get to be happy? I hate happy people, but i guess they really wouldn't care.. no one cares about anyone else anymore, no one cares enough to make others happy.. and for good reason. People take advantage of others willing to put effort into someone else's happiness.. they just leetch off of them unil they get sick of the person and drop them.. ahh, i'm depressed.. i want to just fall into some lala land where everything is happy. I dont care if i'm in a dillusional dream world, its better than this hell hole.. reality is so hard to take, it just crashes down on you constantly, and if you think about it too much, you could go crazy.. you could be squashed. i want to stop putting effort into life, nothing is returned back to me. I'm an insignificant speck in this writhing mass of hopelessness we call humanity, and I always will be. The world would not miss me.. I'm so isolated. I just want to be happy.. and I bet in a few hours i will be happy again, or at least i will think I am happy. Then i'll fall back down again and be back here blogging.. figures.. anyway, this is a fucked up blog and i'm starting to repeat myself so... word out to Barry White, heaven or hell, that ugly bastard knows the answers.