Full Circle



Scratched off the list

Well, I'm not working today i guess.. i went in and was scratched off the list.. some sort of mixup i guess cuz i took last night off and used the accident as an excuse. I'm sure you can find a full account of the incident in someone else's blog.. I'm not really up to writing about it. But oh well, i don't mind a day off... at all. So here I am, blogging again.
Life has been... life. I can't describe it lately. Boring, but exciting.. happy and sad.. I'm so up and down these days for no apparent reason. Is this the typical teenager syndrome? Ahh, I don't care.. I try not to care about anything.. after all, that's the Leah way. I'm not very passionate about many things anymore like I used to be.. just kindof an empty shell wandering around.. emotionless. Lately though I have been depressed most of the time.. and happy part of the time.. so i guess it is an improvement from just feeling nothing.. I'm not sure which sucks more, feeling shitty most of the time or not feeling at all. I usually don't let anything get to me, i don't tend to be affected by things but lately I have been.
Oh well, whatever happens.. I need to find a good band.. one I can be passionate about. Everyone is all obsessed with Brand New, Thrice, Dashboard and all those bands that sound the same to me. I must admit, when they play their music, it is good.. really good... I just can't seem to get into it.. i don't really want to. I need something harder, less popular. So now I'm in musical limbo.. I don't really have any favourite bands right now, nothing to listen to when im all pissed off or depressed. It kindof leaves an empty space.. but I'll find something.
If anyone reads this by 1:30 today and you have nothing to do, come and watch basketball at St.Paul. Its like a tournament for the developmentally challenged. I know it's not like me to support stuff like this.. I usually wouldn't give a crap but i dunno, I'm into it now. My sis was scorekeeping this morning and she said it was really cool to see. So the finals are at 1:30 I'm told. Im kindof excited to see it, she said that it is really amazing to watch them working together and stuff.. i dunno, seems inspiring to me. Alright, i better stop before I get all.. mushy cliche on you.
I was thinking after the car crash that no one would really notice if I wasn't there. I mean, they would notice but it wouldn't really affect a lot of people... but now I realize that it doesn't matter to me. Sometimes I'm really glad to be me.. I like myself a lot sometimes. Most of the time I don't really care, but part of the time i hate being me and i would give anything to be someone else... now that I think of it, I don't think I'd like that. I like being distant from people, it doesn't occur to me to feel akward that I'm not all chummy with everyone. It's just natural for me to stay at a comfortable distance.. I don't like to be clingy.. I'm just kindof there and thats the way I want it. I don't want the spotlight, I would hate to be the center of attention all the time. I just like to hang out wherever and do what I feel like, which is usually nothing... I dunno, I guess I'm easy to please.
Anyways.. I'm not sure what I'm rambling on about.. so thats it.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home