Full Circle



deep breath

Holy new blogger thing, batman. Has is been that long?

Well.. yes, it has been too long. I find myself sleepless and in need of a good vent right now. I'm hoping to get my thoughts down and somehow manage to sort this stuff out.

Alright.. so a lot has happened since the last blog. Franklin is gone, and so is a lot of our stuff.. and she wants more. She's asking for something like forty-some thousand dollars out of my dad. For one and a half years of marriage, sitting on your turtle ass and doing nothing, thats a pretty sweet deal. Nevermind the fact that she has been turning his friends and family against him.. maybe I'll get into further detail later. I'm just not in the mood right now, but it certainly is worth comment.

Ok, so I'll stop defending my Dad and start bitching about him, because thats whats really causing me enough stress to be blogging (finally) at 12:17 am on a schoolnight (yeah yeah.. sounds all goodie-two-shoes, but I haven't stayed up past nine in God-knows-how-long).

Well, my Dad has started dating. Yeah, it doesn't sound that bad. In my mind, I think I should be perfectly Ok with it.. but I'm not. Something I can't describe makes me dead against it. I was dead against it when he started meeting people online (perhaps because he met Franklin, the death of my family, online; perhaps because my Mom met her husband, the death of my unconditional love in that household, online... wow.. technology really works wonders these days...). I was dead against it when he started 'going for coffee' (currently the consumption of his waking life.. constantly gone for coffee.. I am having a difficult time believing that it is humanly possible to drink that much coffee without gaining some sort of coffee-drinker extraodinaire recognition from Tim Hortons). I was dead against it when she (a brief description later) somehow managed to find her way into my home (despite declaring that we 'aren't ready' and she 'isn't going to do that to us'). I was dead against it when my Dad went to a concert one night and disappeared until 1 pm the next day (and indirectly admitted to having committed adultery), shirking his parental duties and responsibilities (nevermind losing all credability when it comes to disciplining us for not being home on time).
Yup.. my Dad asked us in the beginning how we felt about him talking to women on the internet.. and we were dead against it (makes me wonder why he asked at all). Then he told us he was going to do it anyway, but would stop immediately if it started to cause problems. Well the problems have long ago arrived, and he's blowing by those stop signs (apparently WE are ALLOWING it to cause problems.. wrap your mind around that one...). Trouble is, I can't give him a ticket because, as he constantly reminds me in his only repetative argument , he 'is the parent' and he 'will not be dictated to by a teenager' and 'is 40-something years old and capable of his own decisions'. This may all very well be true. He can, 'as an adult', make decisions.. yet, call me old fashioned, but making decisions traditionally involves rational thought and consideration of all relevant factors. You can't rationally make a decision for the soul purpose of proving that you are capable of doing what you want.
(speak of the devil, guess who just strolled in the house at 12:44 am? Two guesses and I'll tell you it isn't the meatloaf bandit)
Is anyone else getting an extreme case of deja-vous? I'm talking diagnosable deja-vous.. the kind thats so real, you can almost grab onto it and beat someone over the head with it. Alas.. I must search for another object to knock some sense into my father with. He is making the same mistake over again.. only worse because everyone else can see the repetition. He is putting his children second (maybe thats wishful thinking.. 3rd or 4th? Even in view?) for the sake of a woman.. or maybe himself. Now lets just reveal how alike this woman is to Franklin. She is not currently married, but she is currently having relations with a still-married, not yet legally seperated, father of three children who is willing to leave them at home while he goes about his disgusting escapades. Anyone who is willing to allow this to go on is not someone I want in my life. She has a colourful history herself.. one that has left her with 4 children of her own.. I won't care to guess the number of different fathers.. probably not my place to speculate or comment on. This woman insisted on introducing herself to us, not to be introduced by my father because she thought it would make us more comfortable (this outrageously presuming, bold, and backward thought is quite reminiscent of a certain turtle I used to know). Something else that bears striking resemblance to Franklin is the claim that children come first , before making it quite clear that this is not the case (funny.. my dad said that too.. before Franklin, before this one). She also has that same knack for showing up unexpectedly, forcing herself into my life, after I have been promised that it wouldn't happen until I was 'ready'.
It all just doesn't seem to make sense. Heaven forbid that I should show any sort of reaction at all. It has been an ongoing battle in the Schmidt household. My Dad seems to have come down with a rare case of male PMS these days. So touchy.. the only accurate descriptor for him (and this had been discussed at length by us children) is 'bitch'. Allow me to give you some insight. After my dad had finally returned, more than 12 hours late, I chose not to outwardly react. I vented my anger and frustration the good old-fashioned way: blaring some death metal. My dad (obviously on the defensive as he must have been expecting an attack after such a deed) rushed downstairs and demanded that I turn it off. I did not comply. He pulled the plug, I put it back in. He yelled, I remained calm to let him know that he could not intimidate me. T got in on it, and Dad did the standard stand-above-the-child-to-imply-physical-harm-so-they-know-who's-boss. I challenged this strategy of intimidation, he backed down in alarm. He clutched for any form of power over me and threatened to kick me out. I laughed, recognizing this sign of desperation. He went upstairs. After I had gone for a walk with T to think things out, to try to find an approach to make him realize the error of his ways and our complete underreaction to his activities of the previous night, we returned to have a rational conversation with him. Rational was how it began, but there is no reasoning with someone who cannot see past a single point: that he is the parent. Does he not recognize that he is capable of fault? He must know that he is in the wrong.. no conscience would allow such behaviour to occur without consequence. Long story short, he ended up running away after being cornered in argument.
That night, my dad asked me what time i was working the next day so that he could drive me.. so i told him 2. Come 1:45 the next day, I asked Bobby if Dad was up yet. He told me that Dad was not only up, but out. I paged him. He called. I reminded him about my work. He cursed and said he forgot. I asked where he was. Coffee (I should have known). I asked why. He switched into defensive-bitch mode and said it was because he has a life. I informed him that, no, it was because he is an idiot and hung up; he had shirked his parental duties once more. Bobby drove me to work. An hour later, my Dad conveniently found time in his busy coffee-drinking schedule to show up at my work and bitch at me in front of my customers. He informed me that I was right about him being an idiot, and that I would be riding my bike to work from now on. When I told him I was working and that he will not yell at me at work, he replied "oh yes I will!" I ignored him and went on with my work, telling him to go away and let me work. He finally left. The only comment from anyone in my lineup to break the piercing silence was "holy" from the lady i was ringing through. My supervisor asked if I wanted her to chase him and punch him in the face.
Later that day, my sister showed up at my work (family reunion or what?) and told me that my Dad was contemplating kicking me out if I did one more thing. So the tally of grounds to kick me out on are as follows: loud music, name calling (idiot). Doesn't quite add up if you ask me.
So everything has been left in suspension up until now.. the expected family meeting is to take place tomorrow night. I'm not sure how it is going to work out as T and I have soccer until 7ish.. and i have to somehow manage to make a trip to the library and to get a bathing suit (activities planned for saturday before Dad's disappearance). Whatever happens, it should be interesting to say the least. I've heard something about a new set of rules for us.. which makes absolutely no sense to me as we had been doing fine until my Dad broke the rules of ethics.
Yep.. so I have been stressed out lately. Its so hard to concentrate on anything.. schoolwork suffers once again. I was completely worn out this morning, and decided to sleep in for an hour and get some rest since I gave blood today. At first I wasn't given much slack by the teachers.. but luckily they let me off without having to hear the saga. And a saga it has been.. this post has grown far too long. I think it's time for bed. Anyway, I'll try to keep you posted.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home