No Name

Ladies and gents, prepare yourselves for utter astonishment at the gull and audacity of my father. Get this: Yesterday, he revealed a late surprise Christmas gift 'from the kids to Jamey' (a.k.a. Step Bitch From Hell, SBFH). Guess what it was? Anyone? Come on now, don't be shy! Don't worry, you'd never guess... no one would assume that my father is THAT stupid.... even though he has proven himself worthy of such an assumption in past instances. Alright, i know the suspense is killing you. He, on our behalf, bought SBFH a sweatshirt saying "World's Greatest Mother, Hands Down".. now, let me delay the explosion of rage for just a minute.. perhaps you have seen these shirts- corny, naive and blatently stupid- the 'givers' are suposed to put paint on their hands and leave a loving handprint, testifying that the above statement is true of the 'givee'. Alright, detonate the bomb: WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING? HE KNOWS WE HATE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF HER!! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT HE TAKES THE INITIATIVE TO BUY HER A GIFT FROM US, WORSE THAT IT INVOLVES THE NAMING OF HER AS OUR MOTHER, HORRIBLE THAT WE ALREADY HAVE A MOTHER, DISASTEROUS THAT HE SHOULD ASSUME WE WOULD EVER EVEN CONSIDER CALLING HER THE WORLD'S GREATEST ANYTHING EXCEPT BITCH/WHORE/SKANK..etc... and, on top of it all, we are expected to handprint the misleading piece of excrament so that she can smile with her crooked, rotting, turtle teeth and assume that we finally except her as a member of the human race, no less as the world's greatest mother.
Am I wrong for cutting up this loathsome gesture of holiday sacrilege? My fellow siblings seem to think so... the dispicable traitors.. THEY graced the blasphemous profanity with their handprints while i remained firm in my decision to quite literally keep my hands clean of both the unscrupulous paint and the dishonest deed. My brother and sister told me that they were 'doing it for Dad', they 'felt bad for him'. I, in disbelief, responded in asking them what they had to feel bad for? That he royally fucked up both his and our lives in his own selfishness and unwillingness to stand up to her for the sake of his children? Did they think that he bought that shirt in order to make US happy? Oh no, it was for her. Our true feelings were trampled on in attempt to make her feel accepted.. they are so fucking desperate for our approval.. it makes me sick. You do not gain acceptance but shoving lies down the throats of everyone. I certainly am not prepared to stand by while the person whom I hold most loathing and resentment towards on this planet is named "World's Greatest Mother, Hands Down" on my behalf. In the end, my sister printed the shirt for me... and I just CAN'T WAIT to see her, sporting a large shit-eating grin, wear this symbol of the emotional sacrifice of us children for the sake of her security in this 'Lala Land' they have created for themselves... Makes me want to shove a lamp up her ass, yank out those colourful turd-resembling dentures of hers, and use them to play lightbright all over her disgusting, chinless, scarecrow head...all while wearing a thick radiation suit, of course... ...hmmm... enough violence for one day.

here i go

i hate to bitch... i know ppl dont need to hear my measly 'problems'.. so here's your fair warning: do not read on if you do not wish to experience my insignificant whinings.
okay here goes... well, there is a lot of shit going on.. so im just gunna babble on and probably not hit all of the points that i want to.. i just really dont feel like thinking right now.. ugh, just so depressed. before i go on.. the absolute LAST thing i want is for ppl to think i want sympathy (or to be miffed that i should even expect ppl to think that.. whatever).. i just need to get some shit out.
k, so yah.. nothing big is happening.. i just am so stressed out between the constant working and the whole christmas ordeal. do you realize how shitty christmas is? (which reminds me, i never did finish bitching about christmas.. aw well.. i suppose not finishing shit is the leah way of doings things) christmas is not time of happiness and togetherness.. its a fucking reminder of everything lousy in my family life... deciding when im having which dinner with which 'family', if thats what you call them. i prefer to call them clusters of people half of whom i am related to and half of whom are complete strangers i have been thrust together with.. forced to live and breathe and eat and celebrate with. strangers whom i would naturally prefer to avoid in another life. but there you have it, thats not the reality of the situation. i hate christmas, i feel like scrooge. i mean, you (meaning i) could really just let go and get into it.. all happy and shit.. but then again im afraid of falling into the trap of fakeness... GOD i hate fakeness. plaster a smile on your face, you might as well get shock treatment. then there is the other option of just letting go of all emotion.. dont let anything affect you, good or bad. right now i guess i'm in limbo, teetering (yep, i said teetering) between fakeness and letting go.. im in the reality.. which sucks right now. i suppose that i should just suck it up, its all part of life. the lowest lows make the highest highs seem so much higher.. without the bad, how can you appreciate the good? and i must admit, there is some good going on right now... i just wont care to elaborate. but those of you responsible know. anyway, i dont want to look all troubled and shit.. just going through one of those 'teenage fases' we are all so fond of hearing about. everyone has their problems.. and everyone probably puts the same amount of weight on their problems... i mean, for someone who has had a great life, any small convenience could seem huge, something so small that, say, a homeless person wouldnt think twice about it could seem earth-shattering to someone who has a fortunate life... and its not neccessarily because they are softies... it all has to do with perspective and conditioning. i'll try to explain my ramblings: if you have a dog and you give it a bone every day, a day without a bone is a huge thing. If you have a dog and you rarely give it a bone, a day without a bone is not a big deal.. its not the first dog's fault that he makes a huge deal about not getting a bone.. i mean, thats what he is used to. suppose the second dog is fed every day, but doesnt get any food at all one day. perhaps he would make the same amount of a deal out of not getting any food at all as the first dog would make out of not getting his bone (but still, of course, getting fed).. the second dog's problem is much larger than the first, but the weight of the problem is all in the perspective of the dog you are considering.. it all has to do with conditioning. so this leads me to believe that everyone's problems (comparatively big or small) are given the same amount of weight. any person sees their own problem as big as everyone else sees theirs. it does not matter what they have to deal with, or how bad it really is, everyone sees their own problem at the same level of badness. everyone adjusts their level of wussiness to be affected the same amount by their variable problems. so everyone is really the same... and if you look at someone as a wuss because they let themselves be affected by something you see as insignificant, maybe you should consider what kind of life they have, what they are used to, whether or not they get a bone every day. and what they are used to is not their fault, its what has been fed to them.. im not making any sense to you all out there in computer land.. but i am to me so i dont give a shit. (holy deep blog...) anyway, this all makes me think im just one huge whiner.. and i hate whining... so i should really stop. and i will... right.. now.

Time to blog

Well.. seeing as everyone is getting into the "magical" Christmas spirit, I think it's time for the cynic (me) to work some magic of her own. I'll take this opportunity to point out some of the negative things about Christmas.. which I find rather significant in contrast to the positive parts of Christmas.
Firstly, I dont think that half of the people who celebrate Christmas have a right to. CHRISTmas (Christ's mas) is about the birth of Christ (or so we are told). Most people are not Catholic or don't even believe in Christ. So what do they do? They stick an X in front of mas and call it a national holiday! Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in any of that brainwashing bible bullcrap, I'm just making a point here. Look at the Jews. Now they know how to do it right. They make up their own damn holiday, instead of Christmas, which actually relates to their own beliefs, not their greed for material possessions. I applaud them.
And who the hell made up Santa Claus? Some old fat guy who sneaks into the houses of children after watching them while they sleep... sounds a bit pedefilic to me. And what for? All a big scam for parents to trick their children into being good? No no no, that, my friends, is the true scam. I'm sure you have heard all about how Santa is a product of commercialism, scamming consumers into purchasing extravagant gifts for each other.. well.. have you ever really thought about it? Why the hell should two people spend the exact same amount of money on each other, only to end up with some piece of shit present they would normally mistake for dog puke? It's a waste of time, money, and effort. And what's worse, they have to keep the pricey turd of excriment and pretend to like it so as not to hurt the other person's feelings.. which brings me to my next point.
Present Syndrome: we all have experienced and dreaded this emotional gift-giving phenomonon. "What the fuck is present syndrome?" you ask? I answer: You know when you get a present, and its all akward because if you dont like it, you have to act like you do like it (Wow.. a usless piece of shit.. just what I always wanted). If you do like it, it seems utterly fake when you tell them you like it (This is great! I love it! Please don't think I'm faking it! I'm so shocked that you are capable of picking out something more useful than an ass-hair)... So one way or another.. the whole situation is so fake and akward... Everyone acting all happy and shit just to make the other person happy.. meanwhile the other person is just acting happy because they don't want the other person to think that they think they thought they think he thought she thought I thought you thought they thought he thinks the first person is a fucking dipshit who doesn't know a good gift from a coughed up hairball. Way too complicated. And the worst part of it all is that, through the entire ordeal, both people realize the fact that both are being fake, and both know that the other person knows they are being fake. "How, oh Great One, do we avoid this hassel?" you ask? I answer: it may seem 'cold', but do like I do, agree not to buy presents but to save your money for something useful.. say, for instance... alcohol. Yes... alcohol.. the one gift that can't go wrong.. mmm.

Okay, well.. im getting tired of blogging... to be continued

House Rules November23, 2003

These house rules are not negotiable and will be implemented by both Al and Jamey. Al and Jamey are the adults of this house and will be respected as such.

1. PLEASE RESPECT OTHERS:
-Please be quiet in the morning and late at night; no slamming doors, loud music, loud talking
-No phone calls to the house prior to 8 a.m. or after 10:00 p.m.
-Lights, t.v., computer monitor, music etc... are to be turned off when leaving the house
-All doors and windows (on ground floor) are to be locked when leaving the house
-Turn lights, t.v., computer monitor/speakers and music off at night when going to bed. All audio turned down after 10:00 p.m. so not to disturb others
-Keep rec room and living room clean and tidy
-Keep your rooms clean and tidy (no clothes on the floor)
-Keep the bathrooms clean (no clothes or towels on floor)
-Keep computer areas clean
-After eating, take all dishes to sink, rinse, then load into dishwasher
-Put all dirty towels and dirty clothes in laundry hampers or in basket in laundry room
-All hampers are to be left in bedrooms or laundry room
-Conserve electricity
-Always advise us where you are including "names, addresses and phone numbers" where you can be reached. If we are not here when you leave, write a note and leave it on the kitchen counter. If you are away from the house and go somewhere call the house and leave a message on the house phone.
-Advise us in advance if you will not be home for supper
-Prior to using someone else's property, please ask (i.e. tools, cosmetics, etc..)
-No making long distance telephone calls without permission to do so
-Pager is only to be called in urgent situations

2. TRANSPORTATION:

-Transportation is a privilege, do not abuse it
-No drives to or from school
-In good weather you will walk or ride your bike to work
-Inclement weather transportation will be arranged accordingly for the above
-When we are available, we will drive one way for you when you are socializing (but not always late pick-ups at night). We are not responsible for driving your friends home if they sleep over
-Pick-ups and drop-offs will be pre-arranged, NOT assumed
-Arrange to have your clothes, schoolbooks, team uniforms etc... with you in advance (to avoid unnecessary transportation)

3. SOCIALIZING:

-Socializing is a privilege, do not abuse it
-Always advise us where you are including "names, addresses and phone numbers" where you can be reached. If we are not here when you leave, write a note and leave it on the kitchen counter. If you are away from the house and go somewhere call the house and leave a message on the house phone.
-Unless previously arranged, be home by 9:00 p.m. on weeknights (girls); Devon be home by dark
-Be home by 11:00 p.m. on weekends (girls)
-No friends in our house without our permission; sleepovers are to be pre-arranged with us
-No drinking alcohol/using drugs

EXPECTATIONS:

-Respect of others in the house
-Keep yourself safe at all times
-Honesty
-Act responsibly
-Set good examples
-Communicate respectfully
-Use proper manners
-Be considerate to others
-Homework
-Attend school and do your best
-All school notes are to be given to us
-Participation in household activities
-Cleanliness
-Tidiness
***If expectations are not followed consequences will be applied

DISPUTE RESOLUTION:

-No yelling or losing your temper
-All issues will be dealt with in a calm manner
-All issues will be dealt with at a house meeting every Sunday at 8 p.m. All issues are to be entered on an agenda, which will be kept on the fridge.

CONSEQUENCES:

-Loss of privileges: see list of privileges below (the appropriate privilege will be lost)
-Grounding (in both homes)
-Chores will be designated around the house for a set period of time

GROUNDING

-Repeated problems will result in a grounding of no less than one week at a time in both homes

PRIVILEGES

-Socializing
-Transportation
-Telephone use
-Computer use
-Allowance
-T.V. time
-All stereos
-Toys - video games
-Time with Al &/or Jamey - one on one
-Food
-Shelter
-Use of the house: food, shelter, shower, kitchen, and all the house contents
-Use of property
-Sleep-overs

***If privileges are abused consequences will be applied

Bottom Line-"IT'S YOUR CHOICE"
We have lived in our house for nine months and have allowed sufficient time for everyone to adjust. Now it is time to implement house rules.
We want everyone to live here with us in happiness, peace and harmony. Your actions and behaviour will indicate to us your desire to do so. If you choose not to, other options will be explored.
It is your choice.

I dont feel like blogging.. so... im done now