Full Circle



I hate thinking.. it's so very depressing... I want to live in the jungle where no one has to deal with anything... just food, water and not being eaten by that jaguar over there. Ugh, so i guess everyone heard about the new rules in my concentration camp.. personally, i think it is quite funny and will be posting these rules for all to view the ridiculous hilarities that are my father's parenting skills. Does he not realize that I am past the point of learning right from wrong through positive and negative reinforcement? Is he deliberately insulting my intelligence, or is it that his level of intelligence does not allow him to aknowledge the degrading incinuations of his actions? I hate that i am powerless.. I hate that he thinks i am in the wrong, when truely my actions are simply the sensible, unavoidable reaction to what he has done... I hate that I am viewed as the 'teenager who thinks she knows everything".. i hate that the situation I am in and my reaction to it is seen as 'typical' by those who do not know the full extent of this predicament, no one can.. ever.. i hate that i am voiceless.. and most of all, i hate that i have to sit here hating things because of what has happened. I want to get on with my life, i want to be carefree, i want to be excited for christmas again, i want a family and a past that i dont have to 'accept', i want a home, i want me back.. to be myself.
Enough of me being the complaining twit.. im sure everyone has enough of their own problems to deal with without me imposing my own on them. It just scares me sometimes when i try to think about the times when i am really happy.. and a precious few come to mind. I feel like i am wasting my childhood.. not enjoying life while i can.. i want to let go of my insecurities so that, when im old, i don't have to look back on my life wishing i was young again so that i could do the things i really want to do. I wish someone could relate.
Ok, now im really done feeling sorry for myself. I'm so excited for hockey.. i love it so much.. it's truely the best sport ever. I don't know how i am ever going to finish my ISU... either part of it. Mrs.Storms certainly expects a lot of our class. Pig dissection is great. I have been waiting for that for so long.. it's like the turning point deciding whether or not i am capable of a career in the medical field. Looks like a thumbs up, but I'm still not closing any doors yet. I know I have a lot of different lives to choose from, so I dont want to waste this opportunity.
Anyways.. I'm waiting for Aime to call so I better go.. damn this living in the boonies.. what with it's dial-up and all..



i am so sad. today i walked home on the curb alone. i used to do that when i was little. was i ever happy?


It's That Time Again

Blogging time I mean.. don't get sick on me here people. Ug, i had work today.. I hate work... I either want to win the lottery or become a bum. Why spend your life working towards being happy if you're not happy while you work? It doesn't matter how rich you were after you die.. being rich doesn't mean you lived a full life.. especially if you were too busy working to really experience life. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be rich than not rich.. but work really sucks.
That makes me think about something else. You know how they say "live your life like this day is you last" or whatever the hell they say, i don't pay enough attention... But anyways, people do actually say that, I'm not lying. OK, but if people actually lived like they would be dead tomorrow, nothing would get done. No one would care about their marks or their jobs.. it would be anarchy! People running around (probably naked) killing other people and stealing shit... society would cease to function. Like honestly, if you thought you were going to die tomorrow, would you go to work or school? Would you care about punishment for your actions? Would you care about getting fat or the consequences of drugs or performing stupid, dangerous acts? The fact is, society relies on people believing they will be around for a long time, or else no one would care enough to sustain it.. it just goes to show how selfish people are (or how selfish I am for assuming that no one would be concerned about what would come of the world as long as they weren't in it). So, you can't live your life like you will die tomorrow, or you probably will end up dead.. which is kind of ironic. So the next time someone says that to me, I'm gonna tell them to shut the fuck up and mind their own goddamn business before I rip their hair out and strangle them with it.
This makes me think about something I have thought about for a really long time: What would be the best way to die? Everyone has to do it eventually, there's no escaping it. So if you had to choose how you would die, what would you pick? I have been thinking about this for awhile, and I think I have come up with the best way to die. I call it "A Week to Live" First, you find out that you have some sort of terminal disease, and the doctors can predict that you have exactly one week to live. And I'm not talking about cancer or one of those crappy diseases where you get all tired and stuff.. that would be no fun.. maybe some sort of disease that gives you a lot of energy or something would be best. But anyways.. you know you have a week to live and you aren't bed-ridden. Now the fun begins..
You can do anything you want now! And who the hell cares about consequences?! Take some speed and go on a rampage! Steal from people, eat tons of chocolate, run to the front of every line-up going "OUTTA MY WAY! WEEK TO LIVE!" It's a bonus if your disease in contagious.. no one would stand in your wayNo traffic jams, no waiting, just pure rampaging, diseased, care-free fun! You can go around naked if you want, why should you care? You have a week to live! Always wanted to kill that annoying person? Go ahead! Week to live! Everything and anything you ever wanted to do! Not enough money? You have two options: #1 steal the money #2 get in contact with the 'Make A Wish' Foundation! Take complete advantage of your situation; the world is at your feet! The worst thing that can happen is you embarrass your family.. but what do you care? You will be gone soon anyway. The only thing you have to worry about is the cops.. but worse comes to worse, you end up in jail for a week (or whatever is left of it). And jail isn't that bad either! Don't you want to spend at least a week of your life in jail? I do, I think it would be fun, like being stuck in an elevator for hours on end with a bunch of people... thats another thing I want to do before I die. Come on now, don't get all full of pride on me now, remember what I said about spending your life without really living it? But anyways.. back to 'Week To Live'.
I know what you are asking.. what if you get caught by the cops and the doctors were wrong.. you do, in fact, have a long life ahead of you... one that will be spent in prison. Wouldn't that suck? You begin to think this 'Week To Live' idea isn't all that it was cracked up to be... Well LIGHTEN UP MY FRIEND! YOU CAN PLEAD INSANITY!! Thats the best part! All of your crimes can be blamed on insanity and, as a bonus, you can sue the doctors! Who wouldnt go insane if they were told they had a week to live? Its like the doctors are giving you permission to go on a rampage! So, in the end, you get the best of both worlds: you get to spend an amazing week where the sky is the limit, AND (if the doctors are wrong) you get to live! (with some extra money from suing the doctors!)
So thats how I want to die, it's the best I could come up with.. it would also be really good if someone else had a week to live, so we could be partners in crime.. it wouldn't be as much fun alone. oh yeah, and if the cops never end up catching me, the grand finale (like 10 second before I'm gonna die of that mysterious disease) I jump off the top of the CN Tower. First of all, you have to go out with a bang. If you can't gain recognition through truely noble and prestigious acts, you might as well become the famous 'person who jumped off the CN Tower!' Secondly, I wouldn't want to waste my death just dying in a bed or anything, you might as well have a good thrill on the way out. I think it would be so much fun to jump off the CN Tower.. not to mention painless because you would pass out by the time you hit the ground! It's perfect!
But anyways.. enough of my eccentric ramblings... I'm probably scaring the hell out of all of you... I'm gonna go get a life now..


It's me again. Yeah yeah, i know you're all going "oh no, not HER again!".. wait, you came to my blog.. so you're asking for it. And I'll give it to you.. if you are offended or bored with anything I say, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!! MUA HAHAHAHAHA! (Aime, haha, mua hahahahahaaaaaa..aa..aa..a)
Anywho, I'm hungry and I want PB o T w H (<--- not a type-o). I have to work today.. which sucks so much ass it chokes! Hey, you know what else? People have to blog more.. I know im a huge hypocrit when i say that, and its like way annoying for me to tell you that, but blogging is addictive and it sucks when you blog yourself and no ones else has.. so you have nothing to read and you feel like a huge loser being the only one to blog, like you are wrongly assuming that anyone wants to hear you bitch about your stupid, pathetic life (Aime, haha, that no one cares about!) and then I start going insane and see images of peoples heads circling around me and they scream at me "SHUT THE HELL UP, I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOU BITCH ABOUT YOUR STUPID PATHETIC LIFE!".... so in other words.. people should blog more.
Hmm.. what else can I talk about.. OH YEAH! My blog breakthrough which you have probably already noticed unless your hearing aid isnt cranked up enough.. or you have some other foreign substance lodged in your ear... the music baby! I think everyone should know what song it is.. and if you don't: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE YOU MUSICAL DEGENERATE!!! Wait! I didn't mean that.. come back! Please! Hello?
Wow.. I really have to start paying attention to hockey.. I have no freaking- wait, this is MY blog.. I can say what I want- I have no FUCKING clue what is going on in the NHL right now, which is bullshit. From now on, nothing is getting in the way of that... unless evil aliens destroy all the TV's and radios and computers and newspapers and any other means of communication.. SHIT! I'm giving them ideas!
Ummm.. okay, well I'm just going on about nothing soo.. I have to go over there now... << >>



And I'm Back...

Well, it's been another LONG gap between blogs and I promised Aime I would blog like forever ago so.. here you go Aime! I officially dedicate this blog to you (by the way, if I made a list of the 100 things that I love.. which I won't because I am way too lazy.. one of my items would definetely be the fact that I am on your top 100 list)! Anywho it's dedicated to you, babe. Probably no one else is interested anyways so it's all yours! =P
Ugh, I do like blogging, I really do. The problem is lack of time. I have no time at all. No time to wipe my own ass... yes, it's true.. I hire specially bred and trained monkeys to wipe my ass. But seriously, I would rather use blogging time to either sleep, do homework so that I can get some sleep, or go for a run so that I don't choke and/or suffocate on my fat while I sleep, therefore disturbing my rest. It's 12:01 am right now.. I have to blog at freaking 12:01!! I just finished some homework and I still have to get up early in the morning to do more. Really, I'm surprised I'm not like losing my hair or something (well, me and Jasmine [sorry, Jasmine AND I] do have to have our daily her-picking-the-hair-off-my-sweater sessions). I am so deprived of time between school, mounds of homework, work and sports.. stresses me out. And though all of this poops me out, it doesn't get me in shape (besides sports.. but that doesn't make a significant difference). I will be practically living in a bathing suit in Costa Rica.. and I don't want to look like some beached whale. So now I've been getting back into running hardcore again. Gotta work on the diet too.. no diet pills for me though..
Hmm.. what else is going on.. got the outfit for semi all planned out.. I can't wait! It is gonna be the best thing ever.... including sliced bread... and I'm not the type to get excited over stuff like this! Truely deserving of the title "Scrumptious"... maybe even "Scrump-diddly-umptious"! But I'm not giving out any details, sorry. Guess you all (probably just Aime reading..) have to go the semi to see my outfit.. I promise a good show (not like that.. sickos.. Aime...).
Umm.... oh yeah! Hockey is amazing, even though my amount of suckiness at it is also amazing. But it is so much fun, I don't even care. Lloyd will be playing net. It will be so awesome.. ugh, can't wait!
Hmm.. what else is going on in Leah Land... gotta get drunk sometime forsure.. its been.. what.. a week and a half? Much too long.. gotta let lose some of this tension. So I guess it's either alcoholism or I take up kickboxing.. which I have been wanting to do for quite some time. Maybe I can do both... at the same time if I can't schedule both in.. drunken kickboxing.. mm.. best sport ever.
Well, I can feel my eyes slowly going mongee.. this lack of sleep is totally homogenous. I think all of my readers should be able to understand that last sentence.. if you can't, then I guess I have a bigger audience than expected. Huzzah! Karate chop! Scrumptious! Shazzam! Bizatch! Chachie! El Snapo!

Well.. that's all for now folks! I'm off to bed.. sweet dreams you sleeping bastards.. all snug in your beds.. I sneer at you all in comtempt.. I hope you fall out of bed and flounder about blindly in the dark on the ground, searching for your pillow only to later give up and have to spend the rest of the night in restless, uncomfortable, broken fits of sleep! Ok FINE, maybe I don't wish that.. but I wish i wished that...

OK, now I'm really going.. you are depriving me of my beauty sleep.. I'm gonna show up looking like Enrique tomorrow..

Blog ya later